With Justin Theroux, a Celebrity Penis Euphemism Is Born

The Eskimo have 50 words for snow, and American celebrity magazines have as many for famous women having bodies. Terms like "showing some leg," "flaunting curves," "revealing side- and/or underboob," "debuting baby bumps," "suffering a nip-slip," "wardrobe malfunction," "crotch shot," or "vajayjay flash" provide the cover of news value so readers may freely ogle.

The same magazines have struggled, historically, to draw attention to the body parts of their male counterparts. Or maybe they just weren't looking that closely. Until now. “Justin Theroux goes commando jogging,” Us Weekly reports, “channeling Jon Hamm.”

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The Most Whimsical Celebrity Engagement Ever

Say you're Pasquale Rotella, organizer of the Electric Daisy Carnival. How do you propose to marriage to Holly Madison, love of your life, ex-girlfriend of Hugh Hefner, mother of your daughter, whom you've given The Most Fanciful Celebrity Baby Name Ever, Rainbow Aurora Rotella?

The answer, courtesy Madison's blog: On top of the Ferris wheel at your electronic dance music festival, while she's wearing a Monarch butterfly tutu, with an eighteen carat yellow diamond, surrounded by rose diamond flowers and engraved with an owl.

Why an owl? "Because we love owls there is a hidden owl engraved on the rose gold in between two of the flowers," Madison writes. Yes, barn owls are monogamous. Eat your heart out, Vogue proposals guide.

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Meet Tom Bachik, the Celebrity Nail Artist Dad

Tom Bachik looks like a SoCal skater dude, so it's surprising when he shows up and does red-carpet manicures for Anne Hathaway, J.Lo, Victoria Beckham, Zooey Deschanel, and tons of other Hollywood women. He wins nail art competitions. He was Chanel's first celebrity nail artist. He's currently L'Oréal's global spokesperson. And the former graphic designer, who switched to painting nails in the mid-aughts, is a regular on editorial shoots for Elle, Harper's Bazaar, and Vogue. He calls himself the Man-icurist.

He also happens to be a dad, to his two college-aged sons and his 14-year-old-daughter, Zoie. It's her small fingers that he uses to test out concepts for all of the above, plus other nail looks that they dream up. He posts all these on his Twitter and Instagram accounts along with pictures of, say, Lopez's delicate hands. It's really the sweetest thing. "I travel a lot, so Zoie will call me while I'm away and we'll make plans to do her nails," he cheerfully says. "It's our time to spend together."

Before he was nail-famous, Bachik, married to wife Liz (another nail art testee), remembers coming home once to a beautiful disaster of nail polish and glitter. "Zoie was about 5 or 6 years old at the time, and she had glued little [fake] nails to a nail file and painted them," he recalls. "That's how I used to practice painting nails, so she had seen me and was just copying what I did; she had even glued on all these little pearls I had just gotten from Japan." Like that lanyard keychain you once made for your own dad, Bachik held onto and still cherishes his daughter's first attempt at nail art. As she's gotten a bit older, he's mostly painting her nails for various teenage events. "It's a collaboration, but she usually lets me do whatever I want," he says. "She won't say she doesn't like it directly, but I'll ask what she thinks of it and she'll just nod and say, 'Uh-huh,' which means that she doesn't love it; she's a polite kid." 

Here, Tom breaks down some of their father-daughter moments from Instagram:

"She actually didn't like the purple and yellow combo at first. But the thing is, we got her and her friend tickets to the Justin Bieber concert and I had looked at his website earlier and saw all this Lakers [basketball] stuff all over his fan page. So that's where the yellow and purple come from, so when we finally showed her the tickets and Lakers jerseys to wear to the show, she saw that and then loved it."

"I think that was for her seventh grade winter dance. She had a dark-colored dress with a little pink and lace. So for nails, we both agreed that it should be dark ,so we just went with this purple color."

"I had just gotten Ciate's chalkboard nail kit, so I was just testing them out on Zoie. I'm interested in product development, so I'm always checking out what other people are doing."

While Zoie has no plans yet to follow in her father's footsteps ("It's just something fun for her and her friends to do"), she's just recently realized  how cool her dad's job is, or at least that he hangs out with famous people. "They've never really asked about it; I think they just thought I worked in a salon or something, but a couple of years ago they realized who my clients were," says Bachik. "We've seen the Spice Girls concert because of Victoria Beckham, No Doubt because of Gwen Stefani, and we've been backstage with Jen [Lopez] for American Idol," he notes, before adding: "Even the boys think this is cool now." 

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Odd Celebrity Pairings Make For Hideous Offspring

By Neha Prakash2013-05-10 02:59:58 UTC

For the most part, celebrities are an attractive bunch. And when attractive people mate, they usually make cute babies.

But it may turn out that only applies in very specific instances — and only if celebs are extremely particular in picking the best partner. (Thankfully, Hilary Clinton didn't leave Bill for Steven Tyler.)

For a series in his late night talk show, Conan O'Brien discovered that certain oddball celebrity pairings result in so much hideousness that you will wonder if their DNA had some mutant accident.

Thanks to Imgur user n8w2i who GIF'ed O'Brien's imagining of celeb offspring, we can all be repulsed and equally overjoyed that even famous people genetics can go wrong.

Clinton image by Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images. Tyler image Graham Denholm/Getty Images.

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